Have you ever been betrayed by someone you least expected?
Ever felt abandoned from someone who should be by your side? Do you know what
it’s like for your so-called ‘best friend’ to turn their gossips into yours
just to receive all the love and attention from others? And you get all the
hate, becoming an outcast. Also, when you thought you could at least rely on
the teacher who in the end, turned against to shame you in front of the whole
class. It’s childish, I know. I was 10. One day at home, I would go, “Mom, can
I change schools if that’s possible?” Blood drained from her face. I could
perfectly paint her expression until this day.
I was socially isolated and awfully cautious in every word I
spoke. I was afraid they would one day use it against me. Dramatic movies
always played inside my head. Any simple, genuine mistakes made me suspicious.
So, when it comes to teamwork, people find it difficult to work with me. They
would prefer to avoid me and sometimes leave me out of the discussion. I would
wake up feeling numb every morning: a feeling that I don’t belong. One day, I
just stared at my sleeping parents. I thought, “They are living their best for
me, so why can’t I?” It was a wake-up call. I had to do something; something to
get me somewhere: somewhere higher and happier. I rushed to grab a pen and
wrote down a list of ways of how I will overcome my serious trust issues
slowly. I imagined how I, myself, would advise on a person like me.
Love yourself. It all
starts from within.
Insecurities hinder you to give faith in someone. You would
doubt their every movement, including the ones without evidence. It’s just in
your head; you thought because of your flaws, they might take advantage and try
to manipulate you. Then, you would restrict expressing yourself and only
communicate on less threatening conversations and it becomes suffocating:
because it’s not ‘YOU’. So, practice staring into the mirror every morning and
compliment every good trait of yours. It might sound crazy but helps gives you
confidence for the rest of the day. It’s important to be self-assured to give
trust in others.
Be Optimistic: in
almost every situation (if possible)
Not everyone is an angel. If you were a victim of betrayal, it is okay to break down and burst into tears. But, push yourself up
and take it as a chance to learn not to repeat the same mistake and if it comes
to your way in the future, how to have better preparation. Use your fall as a
weapon for tomorrow.
Learn to forgive.
Trust issue begins from painful scars/ traumatic childhood
that you keep lingering onto something you can’t change. Of course, it is
unforgettable for something that hurt you. But remember, humans, are imperfect
species. It’s best to overlook their hideous sides and focus on their good
qualities. It’s peaceful, trust me. Harbouring resentment might seep down your
current relationship and it will only burn you inside. Move on, forgive and
forget to stay on the present path.
The approach to
building trust
When you’ve been distancing for so long, it’s completely
normal for people to feel awkward around you. It’s not easy. It takes patience,
time and courage. When you’re breaking down the wall around you, you would most
likely feel vulnerable. Endure it. Take small steps in building trusts which
contain little risk. Then, you’ll eventually learn how to move with larger
efforts. Again, there are possibilities of getting hurt: maybe, even worse than
before. But, trust without risk is not a trust.
Do not pity yourself.
Loving and respecting yourself is cool, but don’t be scared
to get hurt again. To trust someone needs risk to learn how to get hurt. Let
them come get you. Face it. Open up to it means you’re opening up to affection
and love. We all have amazing fantasies of life and if things don’t go
according to our favour, we tend to get hurt from time to time. It’s normal.
I’ve been there.
This is Life. Life gives you tests and
tests are not supposed to be easy. There would be tons of betrayals, setbacks,
manipulations ahead on our road. To tackle them, experience speaks. Distancing
yourself gives you none, and it won’t make you any safer. So I’m glad my pain
is over, but am still grateful it happened. This is giving you the opportunity
to grow.
Gaining trust in others is one of the greatest
accomplishments of my life. But, it’s still necessary to calculate whom and how
much you could trust a person. Above all the advice comes from the wound
permanently nailed inside my heart. But, I refused to let it swallow me and
tried to help others with the same fate. Hang in there, friends. That day will
surely arrive.
