Have you ever been betrayed by someone you least expected? Ever felt abandoned from someone who should be by your side? Do you know what it’s like for your so-called ‘best friend’ to turn their gossips into yours just to receive all the love and attention from others? And you get all the hate, becoming an outcast. Also, when you thought you could at least rely on the teacher who in the end, turned against to shame you in front of the whole class. It’s childish, I know. I was 10. One day at home, I would go, “Mom, can I change schools if that’s possible?” Blood drained from her face. I could perfectly paint her expression until this day.
I was socially isolated and awfully cautious in every word I spoke. I was afraid they would one day use it against me. Dramatic movies always played inside my head. Any simple, genuine mistakes made me suspicious. So, when it comes to teamwork, people find it difficult to work with me. They would prefer to avoid me and sometimes leave me out of the discussion. I would wake up feeling numb every morning: a feeling that I don’t belong. One day, I just stared at my sleeping parents. I thought, “They are living their best for me, so why can’t I?” It was a wake-up call. I had to do something; something to get me somewhere: somewhere higher and happier. I rushed to grab a pen and wrote down a list of ways of how I will overcome my serious trust issues slowly. I imagined how I, myself, would advise on a person like me.
Love yourself. It all starts from within.
Insecurities hinder you to give faith in someone. You would doubt their every movement, including the ones without evidence. It’s just in your head; you thought because of your flaws, they might take advantage and try to manipulate you. Then, you would restrict expressing yourself and only communicate on less threatening conversations and it becomes suffocating: because it’s not ‘YOU’. So, practice staring into the mirror every morning and compliment every good trait of yours. It might sound crazy but helps gives you confidence for the rest of the day. It’s important to be self-assured to give trust in others.
Be Optimistic: in almost every situation (if possible)
Not everyone is an angel. If you were a victim of betrayal, it is okay to break down and burst into tears. But, push yourself up and take it as a chance to learn not to repeat the same mistake and if it comes to your way in the future, how to have better preparation. Use your fall as a weapon for tomorrow.
Learn to forgive.
Trust issue begins from painful scars/ traumatic childhood that you keep lingering onto something you can’t change. Of course, it is unforgettable for something that hurt you. But remember, humans, are imperfect species. It’s best to overlook their hideous sides and focus on their good qualities. It’s peaceful, trust me. Harbouring resentment might seep down your current relationship and it will only burn you inside. Move on, forgive and forget to stay on the present path.
The approach to building trust
When you’ve been distancing for so long, it’s completely normal for people to feel awkward around you. It’s not easy. It takes patience, time and courage. When you’re breaking down the wall around you, you would most likely feel vulnerable. Endure it. Take small steps in building trusts which contain little risk. Then, you’ll eventually learn how to move with larger efforts. Again, there are possibilities of getting hurt: maybe, even worse than before. But, trust without risk is not a trust.
Do not pity yourself.
Loving and respecting yourself is cool, but don’t be scared to get hurt again. To trust someone needs risk to learn how to get hurt. Let them come get you. Face it. Open up to it means you’re opening up to affection and love. We all have amazing fantasies of life and if things don’t go according to our favour, we tend to get hurt from time to time. It’s normal. I’ve been there.
This is Life. Life gives you tests and tests are not supposed to be easy. There would be tons of betrayals, setbacks, manipulations ahead on our road. To tackle them, experience speaks. Distancing yourself gives you none, and it won’t make you any safer. So I’m glad my pain is over, but am still grateful it happened. This is giving you the opportunity to grow.
Gaining trust in others is one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. But, it’s still necessary to calculate whom and how much you could trust a person. Above all the advice comes from the wound permanently nailed inside my heart. But, I refused to let it swallow me and tried to help others with the same fate. Hang in there, friends. That day will surely arrive.